From Brain Pain to Purpose: Luke Bohnenberger's Journey of Resilience
Fall 2024 BrainStorm Transcript
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ANNOUNCER: 00:00 Welcome to the Fall 2024 Brainstorm Event, which is sponsored by the Northern New
Jersey Traumatic Brain Injury System and Kessler Foundation as part of our Model
Systems grant. Luke Bohnenberger, a TBI survivor, will be presenting Recycling Pain:
Pain to Purpose.

JEAN LENGENFELDER:
00:18
Welcome to our quarterly virtual speaker series. This series is sponsored by the
Kessler Foundation as part of our TBI Model Systems grant, which is funded by the
National Institute on Disability, Independent Living, and Rehabilitation Research. It's
now my pleasure to introduce Luke Bohnenberger, who will be presenting today,
Recycling Pain: Pain to Purpose. Nearly a decade ago, Luke's life was forever altered
by a severe traumatic brain injury. But rather than let pain define him, he let it refine
him. Luke chose to transform his challenges into a powerful message of hope and
healing. Today, he's a coach, speaker, and advocate for TBI survivors and caregivers,
using his journey to inspire others and provide a guiding light for those on their own
recovery paths. Based in Greenville, South Carolina, Luke understands firsthand the
struggles TBI survivors face and the need for connection, purpose, and support.
Openly sharing his journey, Luke addresses topics like resilience, self-worth, and the
strength to let go of the past. At the heart of Luke's journey is his family, his wife, and
their two daughters, who are his deepest motivation and greatest inspiration. Luke is
committed to leaving a legacy that supports survivors long after their initial recovery.
He created his Vision to Victory coaching to help others find triumph in adversity and
is building a career that uplifts the TBI community. Through his work, Luke embodies
the belief that pain can be recycled into purpose. Thank you, Luke, for being here with
us today.

LUKE BOHNENBERGER:
02:11
Thank you so much, Jeanne. I appreciate that wonderful introduction. Thank you so
much. I'm so happy you are here to join me today. I'm very blessed to be able to
share my experience with you. I think it's important that while I share my story, it's
not to impress you. It's to impress upon you the transformational power of pain. So
I'd like to just first start off by once again saying thank you so much for taking your
time off today to join me. I want to make sure that everyone is in a safe place and
they feel safe to experience my journey. But the real thing about when I share my
journey, I want you to see your own journey within it. As TBI survivors, even though
we could share similar injuries, know that even though we can walk similar paths, that
we all wear different shoes on that path.

BOHNENBERGER: 03:08 So I want to start off by saying that at a Les Brown speaking conference I was at many
years ago, one of the speakers spoke words and [inaudible] me to this day. And it was
a tombstone showcases two dates, your birth and our passing. But it's the dash in
between that truly defines us. And when I heard this, it resonated deep within me.
And in a room of, it was like 200 something plus people, it felt silent as I began to
think about what I accomplished within that dash, because all I could imagine on my
tombstone was the reading 1996 to 2015. At 18 years old, my life was coming to an
end. So I do not sit here while to share my story, to paint this picture of an
unstoppable force-- that I was in some unstoppable force that instantly bounced off
rock bottom, and with this great determination. The truth is so much water, guys, and
it's so much water. It's so much human. And I want to let you know that 2015 marked
a pivotal moment in my life. A moment, a day that was defined by choices. I think
everyone here can agree that our life is a series of choices. That every choice we
make has some consequence with it. It carries a consequence. Some of those
consequences are small. Some of them are big. Some of them can reshape our day,
our week, our month. And a lot of people in this room, I know that some of those
choices, those consequences reshaped our entire existence, like it did mine.

BOHNENBERGER: 05:01
On March 13th, 2015, I made a choice. Well, I headed to the gym that day, a normal
day for me. It was just like any other day. Headed to the gym, I made a choice to
remove my seatbelt, literally just five minutes from our destination. I'm talking about,
guys, I was literally getting off the exit, and I was in the back seat passenger, where a
lot of people think I don't need a seat belt. I'm fine. And I removed my seatbelt. And
within that, that choice and the choice of the driver in front of us, who made a choice
not to tie down his ladder on the back of his truck. The ladder flew off. The driver of
the car was then swerved to avoid it. And within seconds, I was thrown out of the
back of a vehicle going 70 miles per hour headfirst. In that moment, death stood by
me. Now laying on a highway, bleeding. Unconscious, my brain began to swell. And
my life was coming to an end. That dash was shrinking, and the dates were beginning
to come together, 1996 to 2015. I laid on that road unconscious and soon rushed to a
hospital where my family received a call that, until three years ago, almost four years
ago, I never could really understand. My mother and father received a call that their
child, that their baby boy, their youngest child, was entering the last hours of his life,
not minutes

BOHNENBERGER: 06:36
And I say that, and I really could never understand it until recently is because four
years ago, my daughter was born. When I look at my daughter, that day, all I could
think about was that call my mom received. That call my dad received, saying, "Hey,
get to the hospital. Your son has been in a really serious accident. And that you need
to call on the rest of the family, that we'll keep him on life support till you get here to
say your goodbyes." My mother had to face the reality of living a life without her
child. To have game night that we had many times-- I don't know about y'all, but I
love game night. I'm a big fan of Uno. Breaks relationships up, though, but it's a fun
game. My family had to-- my mother had to picture living a life with an empty chair at
game night. My father had to face the reality of burying his baby boy, while my
friends and brothers sat in a waiting room with uncertainty and grief.

BOHNENBERGER: 08:03
Like I said, nine years ago when I woke up from my coma, and I was told this, of
course, I hurt for my family. But now having kids of my own, I can only pray that I can
only ever imagine what my family went through that day. Fortunately, I had an
amazing neurosurgeon that arrived and said, "Look, we can do a surgery. But it's still
less than 5% chance of survival." It's called a craniotomy. Does anyone on this call
know what a craniotomy is? You raise your hands, you can-- okay, yeah. So in the
craniotomy, for those who don't know, it's a surgery that's a process of removing a
piece of the skull in order to allow the brain to swell. In my case, it was the entire
right side of my skull that was removed. And like I said, if you Google it or anything,
it's-- and almost every Google search is one of the most dangerous surgeries that
exists. Almost every Google search. And I went through it, but I wasn't just going
through it, just the surgery. I was going through it, where I just had a blood
transfusion. My body was beaten. So, of course, wasn't looking good. Eight hours
later, which-- do we have any caregivers on the call today? Any caregivers? We can
get a raise of hands. Just let me know if there are any caregivers on the call today. So-
-
LENGENFELDER: 09:36
don't see any hands raised.

BOHNENBERGER: 09:38
Okay. That's okay. You don't need to be a caregiver to understand that this is a
traumatic event for my family. Put through this, after eight hours, the doctor came
out and told them the good news, right? Said your son survived. So I want everyone
to do this. This is how I do it. And I know I'm going to be interactive with you guys,
and I'll be telling you to do stuff. But I want everyone to hold your breath for just five
seconds. Everyone, hold your breath. And then let it out. That's when my family-- that
feeling of finally being able to breathe again is what my family felt. That eight hours
that you just experienced five seconds; that eight hours was what it was like for my
family, that they couldn't breathe that eight hours sitting in that room. And they
finally could breathe again. But I like to say-- I do see we have a hand raised over
there, but it says my name, so I'm not certain how that works. But the soon that good
news was put into a box when they said, "Look, your son had survived, but he's
probably not going to be the same ever again. That he sustained a severe traumatic
brain injury. That he may never--" now, they were like, "It's going to take six months
to a year for him to be able to walk and function. But as far as his capability to
function in society again, that might never happen."

BOHNENBERGER: 11:22
So now my family had to face the reality that their son might never be able to own his
own house, have a family, do things that they grew up doing. So like I said, that good
news was placed into a box, the way I put it. But as you see today, things began to fall
together for me. Miracle after miracle began to just fall like dominoes. I recovered a
phenomenon. Where they said six months to a year, within weeks, I was walking and
talking. And I remember my neurosurgeon came in. He was just amazed. When he
came in to the room, he had to walk back out the room because he couldn't believe
who he was seeing. He didn't believe it. He didn't know. He's like, "That's not the
same guy I was just working on three weeks ago." I was smiling. I was functioning
again. And where I was told I'd be six months to a year, I left that hospital month and
a week-- month and a week later, where I just woke up, left side of my body was
paralyzed. I was not able to talk, function. I still had half the skull. I was leaving that
hospital a month and a week. And I'd like to say my journey continued like that. But
then I wouldn't be here with you guys. There wouldn't be much of a story to go,
"Well, I was back to normal." I wouldn't have much of a story for you.

BOHNENBERGER: 13:00
When we got home, we expected my journey to reflect the same as the hospital,
right? Just continue progress. But unfortunately, I got hit harder than the accident.
And I feel like what I'm about to share with you, many of you have experienced this. It
is not uncommon-- it is not uncommon for someone with a traumatic brain injury
recover, and all of a sudden, months later, stuff starts to fall apart. Because a month,
not two months, after the hospital, I lost myself. I began to get angry. I began to have
emotions that just didn't match up with what the situation was. Crying, putting holes
through walls, hurting my family verbally. And even breaking into the physical, which
was the hardest part. To see people I loved hurt by me. To see fear to the people
closest to me was one of the hardest parts. And this anger-- I don't even like to call it
anger. I like to call it rage, just took over me. And to the point where, eventually,
when there was some clarity, I actually ran away and called 911 on myself. I
remember the conversation with the officer. And I said, "Look, if I could hurt someone
I love in an instant, this impulsivity, this rage, if I could hurt someone I love, I don't
know what I would do." Just a stranger. I don't know what's happening. I don't know
what's going on with me. This is not me. I was losing myself.

BOHNENBERGER: 14:57
And a week after that, when these emotions kept piling on me, I hit-- I don't even like
to call it rock bottom, because at that point, I thought I hit rock bottom. I'd like to say
I hit rock bottom, and I kept digging a hole. Because eventually I decided to try taking
my life. I was in the living room in my house-- and a brain injury is, as many of you--
raise your hand. Brain injuries, right? You lost memory, right? Everyone? You've lost
memory. Memory is bad. But for some reason, your brain injury-- your brain likes to
keep the memories you don't want. It's like I forgot this, but your brain, "Yeah, well,
you're going to remember this." I'm like, "Oh, well, no, take that away. I don't want
this anymore."

BOHNENBERGER: 15:51
I remember this as vivid as yesterday. I was sitting in my living room in the corner, and
I don't even remember what brought on the emotions, but they were they were
stronger than ever. I. I couldn't handle them. I couldn't. I didn't know what was
happening to me. I didn't know when would be the next moment I hurt someone I
loved. I just didn't. I just didn't know. And so I was in the corner in my living room, and
I had a knife to my throat, and I just said, "I got to. This is it. I'm hurting my family,
can't live." They're constantly watching over me. My mom had to leave her job. My
parents were in constant anxiety, when is my son going to hurt himself? When is my
son going to hurt someone? They felt like they couldn't leave my side. And I felt like, is
this surviving? This is what the miracle is of life? You hear after the hospital, which I'm
sure everyone hears, "Oh, you're a miracle. You're a blessing. It's so good that you're
alive. It's so thankful." And I just was like, "For who?" So I held that knife to my throat.
And I just begged. I couldn't do it, but I just begged for it to be over.

BOHNENBERGER:
17:35 And I don't know what my stepdad said, because my mom was in that room. At this
point, there were officers in the room talking to me, and nothing was getting through.
There was just darkness and silence. And something my stepdad said. I wish I could
remember. But I was able to step back. Put the knife down. And eventually, I was
taken to a mental hospital. I share this story with you guys to let you know that it's
okay when we're overwhelmed. But there's a quote that I want to stick with you all.
And if you have paper, I beg you to write this down. I beg you to write this down. And
it's that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I'm going to repeat
that one more time for everyone. Because this resonated with me, and whether it
would resonate so strong with me, because the moment I was in, when I heard it
inside the mental hospital. But it's strong and I want you to hold on to it. I want you to
share it with everyone you know that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary
problem. Now, can anyone on this call-- and I'm not asking you to get off and speak,
you can type it. As just by a show of hands, does that quote resonate with any of you
as it did for me? Because for me, it still rings its bells. If it resonated with you, that
means it's going to resonate with someone else.

BOHNENBERGER: 19:35
Today, we're talking about recycling pain. And one of the strongest ways to recycle
pain is by sharing your story. Because you today, what you've been through, or what
you're going through now, the truth is someone else is going through it too. The truth
is, someone else is going to go through it. So use your voice. Share this part. Share this
quote with everyone you know, as it can change. It can save someone's life. And we'll
get into this. So I'm excited. First of all, let's take a step back and breathe. We got a
little emotional there. I don't know if it was just me. I got a little emotional. That's
okay. Let's just breathe. And I'm really excited to share with you today how pain is a
raw material. And you can let it define you. But I'm hoping that everyone here will let
their pain refine them. Pain doesn't have to be your story, but can definitely
transform you into a beautiful person that you will become. And I'm excited to be a
part of that journey with you today. So are we ready, guys? As we sort of-- I know 20
something minutes, but we're about to dive right into this, guys. And I wanted to
share my journey with you because I wanted you to know that I'm here and I
understand. That I've been through it. And the truth of it, and I might be jumping
ahead of myself. But my accident was in 2015. Some of you have just experienced
your brain injury. Some of you are many years into it.

BOHNENBERGER: 21:17
My accident was in 2015. I didn't have my last brain surgery until 2019. So I'll say it
one more time. 2015, last brain surgery was 2019, where I had to get this complete
side of my skull taken out again and completely-- this whole side of my skull is
prosthetic now, which is actually pretty neat. But I want to share this part of you,
which, like I said, I'm getting out of order here. But I share my story, things resonates.
Some things I'm like, "I got to get this out now," because everyone here, we all have a
brain injury, so we all forget stuff. So if I'm thinking of something, I got to say it right
now. 2015, 2019, it was my last brain surgery. Within that years, I did not just wait to
start doing something. When you hear from a doctor, and this is something we've all
heard, "Okay, well, probably in three to five years or five to six years, you'll find your
baseline. That's where you're going to be at." Don't just assume that during your
recovery, during the fact that you're still in your story, that you can't start living
today.

BOHNENBERGER: 22:30
2015, 2019, I-- in 2019, I was engaged to my wife, a woman way out of my league.
Still, that miracle, I can't explain. I had a house. I had a job. I was coaching other
survivors. I was living. So I share this with you that I didn't just-- 2015, 2019, I was just
like, "Ah, I got to wait-- I got to wait until I'm fully recovered." To this day, guys-- I just
saw my neurologist the other day for some hiccups. But that doesn't stop me from
living. And I don't want it to stop you either. So let's go into pain. Let's figure out how
to turn our pain into purpose, turn our pain into power, turn our pain into prosperity,
turn our pain into something that's the most beautiful thing about us. Because the
truth is, and you can write this down, this is a quote I have. And it's that rock bottom
is a foundation to our success. I'll say that again. Rock bottom is a foundation to our
success. That the people you meet on rock bottom, the lessons you learn on rock
bottom are the things that's going to propel you forward in life. That everyone here
on this call has experienced pain.

BOHNENBERGER: 23:45
But I'll tell you something, I am a true believer that everything on this earth can serve
us in some way. And that even means pain. If we can find purpose, if we can find true
meaning within our pain, then it's easier to approach it. It's easier to transform it. So
when we experience pain again-- now I'm not saying you're going to get hit in the face
and go, "Oh, I got to learn something." No, I'm saying when you experience pain, you
can look at it from a different perspective. Go, "Okay, why is this here? What can I do
to turn this into something? How can I learn from this?" So first lessons first is what's
the difference between pain and suffering? Now, I see we have some chats. I don't
know if you want to share any of those chats with us, because I see some people have
been chatting. So let's first open up for some chats there. Jenny, can you read me
some of those chats?

LENGENFELDER: 24:44
Or I don't think I see any. Serena, am I missing them?

BOHNENBERGER: 24:51
Okay, I got them. I see them.

LENGENFELDER: 24:53
Oh, okay.

BOHNENBERGER: 24:54
Okay. Chats. So Gina Marie, thank you so much for this. And I know realize MRI and
need to leave now. Okay, all right. I won't read your name. I see that they're direct
messages, so I won't read your name. But I will say thank you guys for sending those
messages. I hear you. And I support you, and thank you so much for sharing your
journey with me. I see the direct messages, so I'm not going to read them out loud.
But thank you so much. Guys, I just want to let you know I do see them. I do. And
thank you. Thank you.

FEMALE 1: 25:37
And Luke, earlier, Brenda had her hand raised. I don't know if the time has kind of
passed for it or if she wants to chime back in.

BOHNENBERGER: 25:48 Okay. Yeah, Brenda, go ahead.

BRENDA: 25:52
Well, I was a caretaker, and you were telling my story as a mother, just getting that
news. And my son was also on life support and had a plate in his head. And there was
just a lot about the emotion that you talked about, and how the anger evolved over
time. I mean, it wasn't right away. And I just appreciated you sharing that. And I just
connected to what you were saying. So I had my thing off for a while, and so I didn't
know if you asked the question, if someone was a caretaker. So I added that in there.

BOHNENBERGER: 26:29
Thank you, Brenda. First of all, I'd like to take a moment. I can do it, and everyone else
can stay off mute, but I want to give you a round of applause, Brenda. Thank you so
much. And even caregivers really don't understand that this injury has impacted you
just the same, just in a different way. Your life has changed, and you've taken on
something. You woke up one day, and all of a sudden, you've had to change things
just like the survivor. And personally, I always do. I personally want to say thank you,
Brenda. But my mom, I could never imagine. Like I said, now having daughters, I tear
up even thinking about it. It's just a different form of pain that I could never truly
understand. And I'm hoping today, while I talk about how we can recycle that pain,
how we can use that, you find purpose within what you went through. Now, of
course, I'm not saying, "Oh, let's go through it again," or anything like that. I'm not.
I'm just saying, I hopefully through this call and you can even reach out to me
afterwards, we can really discuss, or you can really understand that what you've been
through, you can find meaning to it.

BOHNENBERGER: 27:34
There's that saying that everything happens for a reason. I like to look at things that
everything happens; let's find our reason. Let's search for it. When we approach life in
a way that everything happens for a reason, we sort of like, "Okay, okay, it
happened," and sort of put it on the back burner. But when we say, "Okay, I got to
find the purpose behind it, then we're moving steps and we're taking action on it.
Okay?" Thank you so much, though, Brenda, for sharing that. All right. So I asked the
message, what is the difference between pain and suffering? So one person said pain
is a bodily feeling; suffering is an overwhelming feeling on the mind. Absolutely. That
is absolute one reason that there is a difference. But I'm looking for more of-- does
anyone else have anything, because I want to see if someone else knows this. But
absolutely, you are right. Suffering is this overwhelming feeling in the mind.
Absolutely. If you do, you can come off mute. I see someone's--

LUCIA: 28:38
Hi.

BOHNENBERGER: 28:39
Yes. Hey, Lucia.

BOHNENBERGER: 28:40
How are you?

LUCIA: 28:41
I'm fantastic.

LUCIA: 28:43
I think pain is temporary, as opposed to suffering, which goes on for years, more and
more. That's how I see it. Pain is like physical pain. But suffering could be emotional. It
could be other things. The suffering of not being who you used to be, the suffering of
how you lose certain people that you thought were friends. You get to see their true
colors. The ones that stay with you throughout your journey is so important because
they don't give up on you, whether it's family or friends.

BOHNENBERGER: 29:38
Absolutely. Thank you. You're-- go ahead.

LUCIA: 29:40
But suffering is the worst out of all of it. I mean, my accident happened eight years
ago, 2016. And throughout these past eight years, I felt both, actually, pain and
suffering. The suffering doesn't go away. I think, temporarily, you can have fun. You
have great days, you have bad days. But overall, the suffering, I mean, you can have
moments where you remember exactly what happened, and then you realize the
things that you've lost. Some people have aphasia. Some people can't remember the
words that they want to say. It's like it's in their brain, but they can't actually say it.
And that's a difficult thing for me because I was a teacher and I had a master's, and I
was at a level where I thought that would be the rest of my life. And then after that, I
had to stop working. And I suffered from that. I was teaching over 25 years. And it's
not the same. I feel like I have to teach myself now how to do things. It takes me way
longer to do the things I used to do in like 10 minutes. And now it might take me an
hour, but at least I do it.

BOHNENBERGER: 31:17
Thank you. Thank you. Absolutely. There's a lot of truth to what you said. But I do
hope today-- and of course, guys, everything I say here today, it's not-- I'm not going
to say, "Oh, today I'll show you this and your life's got free, forever changed." A lot of
this we have to take into our practice. And we got to find meaning to it. We got to
find our own story to write into what I say today. So thank you so much, Lucia, so.
And you bring me right to a point. So what the biggest difference between pain and
suffering is, I can't teach people how to recycle suffering. And so now you're like, "Oh,
well, why am I here?" So let me explain. Pain is inevitable. So I got bad news.
Everyone here has experienced pain. I got worse news. Unfortunately, everyone here,
TBI survivor, caregiver, everyone in life, we're going to experience pain again. Pain is
inevitable. However, suffering becomes a choice.

BOHNENBERGER: 32:11 Let me explain because I don't want to feel like I'm not validating anyone's suffering. I
want to explain this. Suffering is when we refuse to accept the pain. So when we're
going through something painful and pain is a lot of things. We have emotional,
physical, spiritual, financial. I mean, the list can go on and on. Pain comes in many
different forms. Suffering is the overall idea that we're not accepting this pain. When
it comes to brain injuries, we can cling on to who we used to be or how life should be.
And that's where we get stuck. That's where I see at least when it comes to brain
injuries. And this is myself, guys. I want to let you know that I'm not saying that I'm
like all this whole. I've done this and I've suffered. I come to suffer sometimes, still
today. But it's when we keep going-- and I've done this. I remember wishing for the
old Luke after my brain injury, the first year, going, "I just want my old version
myself." And I'm sure by raise of hands-- by raise the hands or in the chat, who else
has ever felt like they're stuck wishing for their old self? Yes. What I want you to know
today is this new you is going to be the best you. I promise you. And I say this-- and
I'm not saying it's going to be like a flip of a coin. It comes with work. But if it was
easy, everyone would do it. And the most beautiful parts of life is when we have to
work for it and we have to push through resistance.

BOHNENBERGER: 33:51
So we're really going to be talking. The reason I want you to know the difference
between pain and suffering is one of the first ways to recycle your pain is accepting it.
And when we don't accept it, we suffer. So I can't teach you how to accept suffering.
Everyone on this call, I can't help you recycle suffering. We're still stuck on it, not
accepting that we're experiencing pain and trying to resist from it. So first thing is we
have to acknowledge the pain. So you can write that down. But the first step in
recycling pain is to accept that we are in pain, that we are in the situation we're in. So
acceptance, though. This is clear. This is where it gets confusing. Me saying accept
your pain isn't me saying give up. Acceptance isn't giving up. Acceptance is about
taking control. It's about choosing to work with your pain rather than work against it.

BOHNENBERGER: 34:49
So the reason I say it gets confusing, and the reason there's a fine line between, is
when we go through stuff and we say, "Okay, I got to accept this the way that it is," a
lot of times that can come off as giving up. Does that make sense? Does it make
sense? But it isn't giving up. It's going, "Okay, this is the situation I'm in. I got to work
with this. I got to move forward with it." How, though? How can I move forward with
it? And that's what we're going to get into. So today, I want us all on this call to accept
we have a brain, right? I have a brain injury. I have a severe traumatic brain injury. I
have problems. The other day, someone asked me, they said, "Hey, the other day, I
always mess that up. My wife [tells?] me." The other day, she was like, "That was two
years ago, like it's still the other day." So a year ago, two years ago, someone said,

"How long did it take you to get back to work? How long did it take you to be back to
being able to function and all this stuff?" I said, "Well, I still take some mood
regulators at that time. And I take four seizure meds or two seizure meds." I said, "So
if I was off of those medications, would it be--?"

BOHNENBERGER: 36:13
So it's a tough question. I go, "How long did it take you to get normal?" First of all, I
don't think normal is our goal. I want to say again. Normal is not our goal. I think
normal is boring. Honestly, who wants to be normal? Right? It's boring. Exactly. I saw
Eric. He goes, "Yeah." I see you, Eric. Yeah, normal is boring. Let's take out normal. It's
time to be unique. Let's find uniqueness in our pain. So first we got to accept it and
also find uniqueness to your pain. Find out how it makes you unique. The next thing I
want to share, as far as recycling pain in my journey, is letting go. So this is letting go
of our old self before injury. This is letting go of old ideas, old beliefs. Now, this is old
ideas of-- for example, the old idea of trying to get-- I'm trying to think of an example
here. But it's the idea of, "Oh, I'll be back to normal," or I'll do this. Like I said, normal
is not our goal. Okay? But letting go also, which, I think, at least people I spoke to, is
letting go of toxic relationships. And that isn't just about Tommy [inaudible] by your
partner. This is letting go of certain people in your life that aren't pushing you
forward.

BOHNENBERGER: 37:47
And let me share a story with you. After my brain injury, I lost a lot of friends. I mean,
lifelong friends. So before I continue-- and like I said, you don't have to, this is up for
you. Anything I say, you don't have to, but who else, after their injury, lost people?
People you thought were, "Oh, they're here for me. I got them. They're stuck." Did
anyone else lose people during their injury? Okay, yeah. Sorry, if I had a third hand, I'd
put it up. If I had it. This isn't uncommon. And first of all, I want us to be empathetic
for those people. And the reason why is there is a certain level of maturity that comes
with it. This isn't just brain injuries, people. This is anyone that goes through a
traumatic experience in their life. I've seen this with people with cancer. I've seen this
with people with divorce-- when people get divorced. I've seen it with anything
traumatic, people let go. And the reason why people back out is because they don't
understand.

BOHNENBERGER: 38:56
After my injury, the people that were in the car with me guys, the driver and the
passenger, I'm not friends with them anymore. And this wasn't my choice at that
time. They didn't understand the new me. And I put quotations, right? They didn't
understand the new me. They didn't understand why I was acting out this certain
way. They didn't understand certain things about me. They took it personal. So one
thing, guys, don't take things personal. They took things personal, and I lost people.
Now, I had to let go. I had to release the people in my life who could not support me
on my journey. Because this is another quote I want us to realize. If people aren't
pushing you forward in your recovery, guess what they're doing? They're yanking the
hell back. Excuse my language. Sorry. If people are not pushing you forward in your
recovery, they're pulling you back. You have to have people-- and this is honestly
probably one of the most important lessons, because I can teach you everything. You
could have everything right in your life, but if you're surrounded by toxic people,
you're going to develop those toxic traits. You're not going to develop more. Can we
agree with that? Show of hands. I want to see it. Can we agree with that? Right.

BOHNENBERGER: 40:12
Have you ever seen those studies where it's like you know there's certain-- okay, I see
Denise, you got your hand raised. Or is that-- okay? You're saying you agree with that.
Okay, sorry. So yes, have you ever noticed, like a group of people you're hanging out
with, or you see a group of people and they're all dressed the same? They're all
dressed the exact same. They all talk the same. I remember experiencing this when I
went over to my friend's house, who I wasn't friends with for like a couple of years.
And I went over there to hang out with him. And all of a sudden, I was like, everyone
there that came was dressed the same except me. I was like, "Oh my gosh." I
separated myself from these people, and I became my own person. Sometimes that's
important to do, guys. If people aren't supporting your recovery, you got to step back.
But it's also important to surround yourself around good people. It's important just to
create a community. This is this, guys. We're family now, people. You join my call.
We're family now. Reach out to me. I promise you, you're not going to Google Luke
Bohnenberger and get someone else. I promise you. That is a unique name. So reach
out to me. We're family now, guys. So step number one, and to finding purpose
within our pain, is we cannot do that if we're surrounded around toxic people. So we
got to let go. But once again, this isn't about giving up. Yeah. I didn't give up on my
friends. I just knew in order to grow-- in order for me to grow, I had to let them go. So
for an order you to grow, there are people you're going to have to let go in your
recovery. Okay, guys? Once again, raise your hands. Yeah, I saw. All right, let's agree
to that.

BOHNENBERGER: 41:54
Now let's talk about my favorite subjects on the best way to recycle your pain, and
that's sharing your story. Who else here has shared their story? Come on. All of you
now have an amazing story. All of you. You have a unique story that is going to
change lives. So here's the truth. And I'll never forget it. This is the truth. And this isn't
a metaphor. This is the truth. Stories save lives. Stories save lives. When I was at my
lowest point in my recovery, I heard stories from other TBI survivors, their stories of
hope, their stories, just like I'm doing for you today. And it was one of the reasons I
didn't give up when I was in that mental hospital. After that, when I was in that
mental hospital. And I was at my lowest point. Like I said, I wasn't on rock bottom,
guys. I had to shovel, and I was like, I'm going to create another rock bottom.
BOHNENBERGER: 43:00 It was the stories inside that hospital. It was also in that hospital that I realized one of
my weaknesses, or I thought was a weakness, my emotions was one of my strengths,
that because of my injury, my damage to my frontal lobe, my prefrontal cortex, my
emotions were just insane. They were just going all over the place. But because of
that, I developed a superpower called empathy. Now, when I was in that mental
hospital, I mean, guys, I was so involved in these people's stories. I was crying more
than them. They were like, "What? This is my story." I'm like, "Yeah, but it's so good."
I was so deeply-- because of my emotions, I was able to place myself in their story. I
was able to really emerge myself in their story. And their stories honestly saved my
life. First of all, it let me know that I wasn't alone. So I'm going to tell you this right
now. It's so simple, right? This is just the simplest part of your story is it lets people
know they're not alone. And that is the biggest strength that you can give someone.
We've all here felt alone, right? I felt alone. After my injury, I never even heard of a
TBI. I thought I was like, "TBI? You tell me I got some urinary tract infection." I didn't
know what it was. I was like, "TBI, tuberculosis." I didn't know. So I was like, I didn't
never met anyone else. I was like, I looked fine. I was walking. No one else understood
me. So I felt alone. People thought I was emotionally breaking out. They were like,
"This guy's something's wrong. He's not acting right."

BOHNENBERGER: 44:48
When I was introduced into mental hospital, I met a guy named Dave. And David had
the exact opposite of me. He had emotional flatness, which is, once again, just where
your emotions can get very hyperactive. Emotional flatness is very common with
people with brain injuries as well. I've worked with several people with emotional
flatness. And when he shared this story, and he shared his story with me, I was like,
"Wow, I wasn't alone." I actually was like, "Wow, I have it good." I was like, "I have a
good." And I remember that day I called my mom, and I was like, "Oh my gosh, please,
I'm so sorry for complaining. I'm so sorry." I was like, "Oh, when I get home, I'll do the
dishes for a whole year." I didn't, maybe a week at best. But share your story. Share it.
Please, please share your story. Your story is beautiful. Now, I'm not saying you've got
to get up on stage or do a call with 60-something people. I'm saying it can be a oneon-one in person. Share your story. Once again, it's one of the beautiful things. We all
know that stories may change lives, right? I mean, one of the most influential books is
a book of stories. I don't even have to-- I don't even have to go on to prove that. I
mean, stories change lives, so. And anyone in the call-- I want to hear from anyone in
the call ever have a story they heard that just was like, "Wow, I'm in your story. You're
writing about me." Is anyone in the call ever experienced that? Yeah?

JEAN LENGENFELDER: 46:35
Luke, I think Lisa has her hand up. Lisa.

BOHNENBERGER: 46:38
Okay, sorry. Yeah, go ahead, Lisa.

LISA: 46:41
Okay. Can you hear me?

BOHNENBERGER: 46:43
I can.

LISA: 46:44
Okay, well, I wanted to say I was in a head-on collision with a drunk driver in 1996. I
went right back to college. It happened in July. I was back at college at UConn that
January or the following January. I didn't have any clue. Like you, I didn't know TBIs
existed. I knew there was concussions and stuff, but anyways, I didn't-- Things got so
bad with my parents. And we ended up going to a support group. And to answer your
question, listening to all of these people tell their stories, I sobbed through the whole
meeting because these stories were nothing like mine, but we had roots that were in
common, anger, that rage you were talking about, the frustration, the loneliness, the
not feeling like I fit in anywhere. And I just sobbed through that whole meeting. And
that is when my healing began because I realized that those people were my family,
were my own family. Doesn't see it the same way. I look fine. Therefore, I am fine.
Therefore, my brain injury doesn't exist.

LISA: 48:32
And you also said earlier, getting rid of toxic relationships with family, it's hard. So I've
set boundaries. I still go to family dinners and everything, but I don't have to stay all
night. I can eat dinner and go. But back to the point, hearing all of those stories, that
is when my healing began. And so thank you for this. I feel connected with you just
over a video call. We are family. I know you understand what I've been through. And
even though my journey isn't like yours at all, we have those roots that connect us. I
know that rage. I kicked the hole through the sheetrock in my garage several times. I
ruined doors in my condo by kicking them, punching them. I know that rage. It's taken
me a long time to heal, but. All right, thank you. I'm done.

BOHNENBERGER: 49:49
Oh, no, no. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Every time someone opens up
like that, I just want to give them a hug, which, during COVID, no one liked that. I was
like, "No, no, no." So thank you so much for sharing that with me. Thank you so much
for sharing that with the group. Like you said, the support group, guys, this isn't just
about sharing your story. It's about listening. Active listening is also a great way to
understand that, first of all, you're not alone. This is one of the lessons, as well as
recycling pain is it's not just important to understand your pain, but to understand
other people's pain, to understand the perspective of a TBI. So after my brain injury, I
didn't just, "Okay, this is my brain injury." What I did is I began to understand from a
3D perspective. So understanding your injury from a 3D perspective. So I'll explain
what this means. For a brain injury, I didn't just understand first, my perspective. I got
perspective from doctors. So this is important. This is very important. It's very
important to be a-- it's very important to be involved in your recovery. Now, what
does this mean? You're probably like, "I am involved. I'm the dang person right now."
This is me saying, ask questions to your doctors. Ask questions to you. It's a
collaboration. Be a part of your recovery. Don't just sit and just move through the
motions. Ask the questions. Get the second opinions. Be a part of your recovery. So
that's the second.

BOHNENBERGER: 51:21
The third is researching, whether this is from reading books, right? Everyone here, I
highly suggest you read a book about brain injuries. Just read, understand brain
injuries. Because what's important about that is when you read books and all of a
sudden, like two months down the road, you start having a problem. You're like, "Oh
my gosh, I read this in a book," and you can attack that situation or attack that
problem before it even actually escalates. So talk to your doctors, ask questions, talk
to other survivors, ask yourself questions, be vulnerable with yourself, get a 3D
perspective of your pain. Thank you so much, Lisa, for sharing. So getting that from
your perspective. So we're coming up to-- we're close to ending, right? So it's at 1:00.
So--

JEAN LENGENFELDER: 52:09
Yes, we got about seven minutes left, Luke.

BOHNENBERGER: 52:12 Okay. So guys, I'm so sorry. I love you all. I always get really into it. I'm usually on
stage. I'm moving around, like throwing myself. So first step in recycling pain-- you
can write these down. First step is you have to acknowledge your pain. Guys, you
have to accept this here, acknowledge it. Okay? So don't run from it. Whether you sit
with it, write with it, speak it out. The first step in recycling your pain is you've got to
hit it head-on. You've got to face it. You have to understand, okay, I have a brain
injury. Get that 3D perspective. Understand it. Understand, okay. I have a brain injury.
Ask myself about it. Write it down. Okay, here are the problems I have with my brain
injury. Write them down because the truth is, once again, what's the number one
symptom from a brain injury? Memory loss. Write it down. Write it down. Write it
down. Ask the questions. And I think I saw one of the people I coach is on this call. I
always say if you got questions you want to ask for your doctor, write them down and
bring it with you. Because you're most likely-- at least in my case, I've gone to my
doctor and I've left and gone, "Dang it, I forgot to talk about this." And I'm like, "I got
to make another appointment. They're not open for another three months," because
that's crazy. So write it down. Understand your pain. Write down. Journal, journal,
journal. I'm going to say it one more time in case you didn't hear me, journal. All right,
guys, journal. Really start to write things down. I don't care if you're an expert writer,
right? Write it down. So acknowledge your pain. Hit it head-on.

BOHNENBERGER: 53:42
Next thing is finding meaning in the mess. Asking yourself when you're faced with
pain, when you're faced with adversity, facing situations, ask yourself, what can I take
from this? It can be the smallest thing. You could even say, "Okay, today sucked, but
I'm going to talk about it with someone else. And I'm going to take this as an
opportunity to share today with someone else." That's something, right? Small. It's
something. Find lessons with the mess. How can I grow from this situation? I like to
say this. And I always get this. This is my own quote, and I mess it up every time. So
let me try this. It's a tongue twister. It says a step back-- we all have step backs. A step
back is not a setback. If we're willing to learn from it, it's a setup for a comeback. Say
that again because it's so confusing. Like I said, I get it confused. A step back isn't a
setback. If you're willing to learn from it, it's a setup for a comeback. Can anyone
share with me what that means to them? Anyone new want to share it? When I say
that, if you need me to repeat it because it's tongue twister, tell me, what does that
mean? Going once. Going twice.

MICHELLE: 55:05
I think--

BOHNENBERGER: 55:06
Oh, go ahead, Michelle.

MICHELLE: 55:07
Sorry. I'm trying to get it. I guess, and it's really hard for me to hold on to it without
writing it down right now and doing other things. But that you can learn from, I'd say,
many things. And if you're doing what you-- I don't want to say should, because I
know that's not a good word. But I guess paying attention to the things around you,
your environment, and everything. And then at the same time, even though I was
listening, I'm like, "Okay, I feel like I should be listening more."

BOHNENBERGER: 56:07
It's okay. It's okay.

MICHELLE: 56:10
I'm sorry. Does that make sense?

BOHNENBERGER: 56:13
No, you're perfect. I'm just happy you spoke up. Thank you so much. Thank you. Yes,
you got to pay attention, guys. Life's happening. It's happening. Pay attention. Now,
I'm not saying remember, like I said, brain injury, I still forget stuff, but pay attention.
But pretty much what that means, guys, is when we have setbacks, which we all do--
when we have setbacks, which we all do, if we take those moments and say, "What
can I learn from this?" It wasn't a setback. It was absolutely worth the step back. If we
take advantage of learning something from everything, it's never a setback. And then
the last thing to end this is we got to take action, guys. I can teach you, you can have
everything in your-- you can have everything you need. But if you don't take action,
we get nowhere. We have to take action, guys. So it is 12:58. So I'm going to leave
two minutes. I'm sorry, guys. I feel like we get each other. I can ramble, and we're all
like, "Oh, we all get you. We're all in the same wavelength now." But I want to hear
from y'all. Any questions for me about my journey, about sort of what we talked
about here today? Nothing. That means I did good. I'm just kidding. Go ahead.

FEMALE 1: 57:36
I have a question.

BOHNENBERGER: 57:38
Yes.

FEMALE 1: 57:39
How did you get to be where you are now?

BOHNENBERGER:
57:43 Thank you so much. So everything I've discussed. But it's important for me to say this,
guys, it wasn't a straight road. It wasn't smooth. I mean, it was tears. It was broken
glass. It was holes in walls. It was everything. The reason I got here today, number
one first is the support system I had. That's why I really want to shout out to the
caregiver because if I didn't have the right support-- I didn't have that right support
system, I wouldn't have been where I am today if I didn't have my mom and stuff, but.
And I don't say this to discourage people that don't have that right support system. I
say this because right here, where we're at right now, is your support system. It's just
important to take action on. So number one, the reason I'm here today is my support
system, right? So I would say that's the main reason. After that, it was just the
willingness to learn from everything I went through.

JEAN LENGENFELDER: 58:38
Well, Luke, unfortunately, we're at 1:00 o'clock and we really want to thank you for
being here with us today. If anyone would like any more information or to reach out
to Luke, please visit lukespeaks.com.

ANNOUNCER: 58:53
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